Today is Valentine’s Day, a day meant to celebrate love, but I found myself reflecting on a different kind of love. The kind that doesn’t come wrapped in roses or a box of chocolates (in my Forrest Gump voice).
The kind that doesn’t wait for permission. The kind that moves in silence and stays 10 toes down. For a long time, I wore "putting my all" like a dang badge of honor. I overextended, over-delivered, and overcompensated... giving grace in spaces that never knew how to hold it and to people who never cared or wanted to.
I believed that if I showed up more, gave more, and poured more, then maybe just maybe I'd get the same energy.
The Cost of Overgiving: A Lesson in Self-Worth
But here’s what I’ve learned: love, in any form, is not a transaction.
It's not earned by exhaustion.
It's not proven through sacrifice.
The deepest form of love is not what we give to others at our own expense... it is what we choose to keep for ourselves.
Self-love is knowing when to pull back. It's recognizing when your presence is being drained and taken advantage of, not appreciated. It is the fearless act of choosing yourself... not in rebellion, but in respect.
Love That Honors Itself First
These days, I move differently.
Not bitter, not resentful, just hyper-aware AND self-aware.
I'm no longer stretching myself thin to be understood by folks who refuse to see. I no longer gift my time, energy, or talent to those who drain rather than sustain. I no longer wait for reciprocity where it was never meant for anyway.
This is not holding back or hiding.
THIS is love.
The kind that protects.
The kind that restores.
The kind that honors itself first.
And that, I’ve come to realize (the hard way), is the only kind worth giving.
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